Sunday morning. Drinking tea. Writing. Dreaming about adventures near and far. Thinking about patience. Or lack thereof. I’m still in healing mode after coming home from my last trip with a nasty cold and lung infection.
In the past, I would have gone deep into judgment about how I didn’t take care of myself well enough. Or how I’m not healing fast enough.
I’ve come a long way baby.
What I've learned is to give myself more rest, self-love and downtime. I’ve learned to get out of my own way, so that my body can do what it needs to do to heal. BUT while my body is healing, my mind will often take over. Having a little too much time to think!! It wonders why I’m not where I thought I’d be at this point in my life, it compares my journey to those of others I know or follow.
My mind wants to focus on the perceived lack
I’m not enough, I don’t have enough, there will never be enough. It can be brutal if I let it run rampant. The goal is to catch it before it picks up too much steam, too much momentum. When I’m not feeling 100%, it is just that much harder.
The beauty of this journey is the opportunity to practice redirecting my experience.
I get to choose. I get to observe, acknowledge and when I’m ready, bring myself back to center. Sometimes I’m not ready right away. Sometimes, for whatever the reason, I choose to stay just a little longer in this place of impatience.
While I’m here, I give myself permission to feel what I need to feel...the longing, the sadness, the excitement, the fear. I open to the possibilities of endings and beginnings. Of things unfolding in radically different ways than I could have imagined or envisioned.
I release resistance
Letting go of the story that wants to shame me into “shoulding” all over myself. I practice gratitude. Not just shifting my focus to the things I already have in my life, but also including the space between the things I’d like to have, the things that have not yet arrived and those things that I haven’t even begun to dream about.